The 4 Letter Word I Struggle With

Catchy blog post title, isn't it? Admit it, you only opened this post to find out what word I'm talking about. You thought, "I want to get some dirt on Courtney!" Well, this may have just been my way of getting you to read my blog (if I'm being totally honest...IT WAS!) So, gotcha! My author mom would be so proud! :) This 4 letter word that I am referring to, is likely one that you are struggling with as well. This awful, belittling word is CAN'T. And here are 4 reasons this word has been a constant in my mind and vocabulary:

1. Pinterest moms.

I can't be crafty. 

I finally joined the Pinterest world this week. I don't even know where to start! I have found it to be inspiring and yet, overwhelming. It makes me feel extremely inadequate and quite frankly, untalented. While I would love to be into this creative stuff, I just can't get it! Though, I think my husband and kids would disagree. Fortunately, they do not know the world of Pinterest and they think I'm super smart and creative as is. Joke's on them! Or is it??

2. A clean house.

I can't keep up with housework.

One would think that after nearly 10 years of marriage, I would have mastered the simplicity of keeping the house clean. Now, don't get me wrong. My house does have the overall appearance of cleanliness. My minor case of OCD helps. Clutter makes me crazy. Very seldom, is my house a mess in that regard. But it's all the hard core cleaning I can't seem to accomplish. For instance, I could not tell you the last time I dusted my house or scrubbed a shower. It has been at least a month. Is that bad? I mean, at least the laundry is done, right? Or does it count as being done if it's been in the dryer for hours?

3. Gourmet chefs with fancy meals.

I can't cook.

I am not the best cook. I don't make fancy, 3 course meals. I don't bake well. And I hate this about myself. This is one of my greatest insecurities. I wish I were better at it. I know I just lack the confidence and experience it takes to be a great chef or even The Next Great Baker. I hope to one day be able to take some cooking classes and increase my ability to feed my family better. But, before you worry that we are all starving over here, I assure you, we are not! And that brings me to my final and biggest struggle (no pun intended)...

4. Moms who get their pre-pregnancy bodies back 3 months post partum.

I can't get skinny.

This is the one I struggle with the most. Call me vain, but I like to look good. But, here I am nearly one year post partum and still hanging onto an extra 15 pounds. And let me be real here, I am full of excuses as to why I haven't lost this weight. But they are just that, excuses. The first one being, I don't have time to hit the gym everyday. While this is true, I'll tell you what I do have time for. I do have time to wake up 30 minutes earlier and do a short workout before getting everyone else up and ready for the day. I do have time to prepare healthier meals. And really, isn't that all it would take? Another excuse, I had 3 c-sections in less than 5 years. (And before you give me all your crap on modern day medicine vs natural childbirth, etc...let me just say that I don't want to hear it. I carry enough guilt about how my children came into the world. I feel like I am somehow less of a woman because I never got to experience true labor. So, whatever you're thinking about my decision, stop. Okay, vent over.) A realization I just had, is that for 70 of the last 77 months I have been either pregnant or nursing. And for those 7 months I wasn't, I was skinny. Maybe not your definition of skinny. But I was a healthier, skinnier me. What I've realized is, those other 70 months my body was being used to care for someone else. Not me. My mentality since being a mom has always been that my kids come first. And they do. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, I believe that's how it's supposed to be. But at the same time, it's okay to do something for myself too. That's the part I can't grasp. I honestly do struggle with wanting to do anything for myself. But, if I want to get my PRE 3 babies, 3 surgeries body back, I have to start thinking about me.

Now, maybe this 4 letter word gets overused in your vocabulary too. Or maybe you're sitting there thinking, wow, Courtney has some serious insecurity issues. Well, truth be told, I do! But I am certain I am not alone. If you were to be completely honest with yourself, I'm sure you would have to admit that you struggle with some negativity too. Let's make a vow to take this ugly 4 letter word out of our vocabulary! Instead of focusing on what I CAN'T do. I will focus on what I CAN. I promise to accept myself for who I am. To love myself enough to invest in me. How about you? What are you going to do to better yourself? What CAN you do?